The Car Parts 3 and 4

photo 1995 Geo Metro

1995 Geo Metro

( ” I’ll have to backtrack a bit to fill you in on what’s been going on, with my feelings, ownership, and travels “.)

” I was given to a girl, and although she did take pretty good care of me, she just up and quit driving with me one day. I overheard a conversation she was having on a phone type device, and she had stated she didn’t really need me anymore “.

” She wasn’t aware I was listening, and didn’t notice when I leaked tears, at not being needed. I just continued to sit in that wonderful paved driveway, for months. I felt totally ignored and unwanted, and had I been able to just go away on my own, I would have been outta there “.

” To be fair to that girl, she did take me out once in a while, letting me get all revved up, and on really cold days she sometimes started me and allowed me to warm up. She wasn’t all that bad for a girl, and she always talked nice to me, not like that guy. You know, the one with those huge damn dogs, who had a habit of swearing at me ‘.

” One day in May, she suddenly started paying attention to me. She added oil, to my low crankcase, gave me a huge drink of water and some slimy sweet green stuff. I don’t know what that was all about, as the girl loaded my back end compartment as full as it could get “.

” My poor shoes were squishing down, with all of that added weight. I never understood these human types, shoving stuff in me, cramming stuff everywhere it might fit, and all the way up to my inside roof. I never felt so bloated as that. It was even worse than having those stupid dogs crowding around in me “.

” With all of that sudden flurry of activity, I felt sure I would be cruising freely down the road! I was so excited, I almost made a mess on that nice clean driveway. And then, nothing. Sitting there again waiting to be loved and driven, even by that silly girl “.

” I think it was about the end of June, the girl got me all fired up. Fifteen minutes later I got to get out there, and out onto the wide open roads, just cruising. It was nice to feel the breeze flowing across my form, and my side glass was opened, so I could feel fresh country air blowing in my insides. Even the stuck old dog hairs were blowing out of me. It felt really swell “.

” What a great day! We cruised over the close mountains following a road I vaguely remembered. This highway would eventually take me back near where that guy and those frigging dogs lived! Maybe I was just being paranoid, but it was starting to look like that might be the case “.

We stopped after 6 hours of out right cruising, and where we stopped was all to familiar. It was the WalMart parking lot only 50 miles from those dogs! That truly pissed me off, as I had thought we were going somewhere new, and here we were, most likely heading for the dog place. I was beginning to feel pretty dejected “.

” Damn! I was right. The girl was in the store for nearly an hour, while my black outsides were being scorched by the heat of the day. Then, when she did come back, she managed to shove another 50 pounds of crud into me. Want to talk about that full feeling? I almost felt like I wouldn’t be able to move, even if I had wanted to “.

” An hour later I was horrified! We were going up that damn dirt trail, everyone pretended was a road. Now I knew it, I was probably going to have to deal with that long haired freak, and those smelly, drool-dripping, hair-shedding overweight dogs again. How could any life be as bad as this? I really don’t think I would ever have imagined a worse case scenario, and I can imagine an awful lot “.

Part 4

photo 1995 Geo Metro

1995 Geo Metro

” So, it turned out I was right! Here I was out in the country, and having to be back with all that hard life stuff…You know I mentioned the trails, they’re not roads, even gravel will only disappear into crevasse, never to be found again.

At least, the Squatchy guy, ( Yeah, I finally figured out what to call him ) seemed to know how to miss the nastiest places. Of course as it turns out, he has no respect for my outsides. I never got washed by him rubbing on me. He had a gentile touch, and was decent about not expecting me to be fast. He didn’t jump on my pedals, and in fact it seems like he didn’t trust my pedals, but who knows? ”

” He didn’t run into things and all, but he couldn’t care less about my finish. He lets brush, and tree branches scratch me! And then he just ignores them, and lets my scrapes get filled with dirt! Do you know how that makes me feel? Well, the scratches are okay, I’m just ranting, because he does things with me and I’m not sure I should! ”

” I know you’re wondering just what those Things are, so I ‘ll only say he hauled 55 gallon barrels of water in me! Here we are in the effing mountains, and he hauls barrels of water, and the two, hundred plus pound, each, dogs. And they’re crowded in the next side seat, Straddling my console, and They Won’t Sit Still! ”

” In all fairness, ” Squatch ” tries to ditch those fur balls, when he goes to fetch the water. They always find him while he runs a pump to fill a huge barrel, in my back seat. I guess he just lets them ride back, because they get in the way of driving. Stupid Dogs, always in the way! What an inconvenience…”

” One day ” Squatch ” got me loaded with only a few things. He removed the trash, and kinda swept me out, and only put a couple of cover changes, and coffee and sandwiches in me. I figured we were going down to town, maybe to the library to get some WI_FI? We ended up leaving at sundown. ” Squatch ” was that way, when he drove places. Sundown, just as the sun is going behind the far peak, he heads out “.

” This time only him and the Mrs. No dogs somehow….He must have tricked them, who knows or cares, it was a nice change.  So we headed down the mountain, and after a while I realized he was really going somewhere. I was nearly to Wenatchee, along a part if the big river we were following, when a big deer jumped right in front of me! ”

” Squatch stomped on my left pedal, and steered me around it, and just as we got straightened up to the line thingys, a little one did the same thing! It actually bumped me. It broke one of my light lenses, as Squatch tried to miss it. I got pulled over, and got looked at, and then squatch ran back to the now dead deer. It was already in the opposite lane place, and was still being run over by trucks, and cars “.

” He dragged the dead as a dead deer gets, off of the road, and came back and really looked at me and fiddled with my parts. I guess he figured I was fine, as I was not limping or anything, so he made me keep on going.  So I never stopped except at gas stations, and went to a place in California, non-stop! ”

” I ended up in Redding, at about 9:30 am, and got parked. I spent a whole week just parked. Kinda nice. It felt like a crowded place. I was always hearing cars and buses. Lots of human voices and stuff. Almost to the hour, I got fired up and made to go really fast on a super highway “.

” I remember this as though it were yesterday. I was made to follow some flashy new SUV, and it was fast! I had a hard time with it, and was getting kinda hot. Squatch seemed to know about my troubles, because, he stopped for an hour and gave me a great big drink. I never thought I could get so thirsty. I once did, but he figured out a way to keep me refreshed, when my front water box got messed up. He fixed that almost right away”.

” My water was blowing out of me, and he didn’t even know! He gave me a bunch more, and we drove until I hurt. I pinged my pain at him, and he would stop and let me cool, give me more water and start the cycle all over again. I couldn’t show him where my water was going, I think it blew out of my front water box overflow tube, and it didn’t make a noticeable trail. The water didn’t hit my other hot parts, so it was just gone without a trace “.

” I remember hearing him mumbling about water pump, head gasket, thermostat. What’s a thermostat? Anyway….We were right in the middle of the mountains, and it was a long up hill battle to get to each place he stopped to get more water and let me rest. It felt to me, like he wasn’t going to fix me, he just kept stopping sooner and sooner “.

” The trip went downhill from there. No only down the mountains, but there were no more water stops hardly. ” Squatch ” just drove slowly, not pushing me, and talking to me with the sweetest promises. Great rewards awaiting me, for being so amiable, and compliant. I wasn’t going to let him down! ”

” I didn’t get water for over 50 miles, and was barely able to keep going. ” Squatch ” pulled off of the big paved highway onto a city type street, that had a much lesser speed limit. I could feel his impatience as I made my way through the city. I was burning up! ” Squatch ” was swearing about no parking lots anywhere, just frigging driveways, and kept making me go “.

” My insides were on fire, my oil was burning, and clouds of smoke were pouring out of my everywhere! I was really starting to stink, even inside, all of my burning parts were in trouble. He nursed me over a hill, and pulled we to a stop at some parking lot. I remember him telling the Mrs. ” if it dies here, at least we can get parts, and maybe nobody will worry about a strange car for a day or so. It’s only 3 or 4 more miles”. I was encouraged about how close I was to be able to get there “.

” I didn’t know where there was, but I figured if he let me rest and get cool again, I would be willing to go to the ends of all the roads that would ever exist. ” Squatch ” checked me out, touching me in just the right places, and gave me more water, and lots of fresh oil. He told me I was great, and gently closed my lid. I had been there for about an hour, and it was really dark now “.

” Dang! Not even a mile down the road and I am already starting to stink again. ” Squatch is probably scrap me if I don’t complete the drive I started. The heats getting to me….The smoke is happening again….He’s stopping! He actually pulled into a driveway and turned my power plant off. He was patting my number panel, and saying sweet things…..I was sure he would be pissed, me having all of that trouble….He just told me, I made it, I did great! I could never ask for more “.

” Squatch checked me out that very next day. Apparently he got me new pieces, and tore some of my nasty stuff off of me and cleaned me up. If you ever want to have a good time, let ” Squatch ” handle you, you won’t be sorry! He gave me a new water mover, and blocker thingy, new high class oil and even a new filter. I got lots of fresh cool water and more of the sweet slimy green stuff “.

” Squatch turned me on, and even though I still wasn’t feeling quite right, I let my power plant hum. He hadn’t shut my lid, so I guessed we were just going to sit here and see what happened. I hate suspension…All of a sudden I felt my water blowing outta me again! ”

” He was watching for that I guess, because he made me quit my power functions, and diddled with my water box overflow chamber. He put more water in me and made me turn on my power plant again. It was a funny feeling, a kind of tickle somewhere inside me. I could feel hot water running out my back pipe, and I guess he saw that too. He made me quit again and stated something about head gasket. ”

” Squatch only made me try to work a couple of times since October 25th. Now it’s spring, and he told me to tell you Blog folks what has been happening. He said he would have to leave me in a place called Reno, for another while….What are BLOG FOLKS? ”

” So, here I am waiting for ” Squatch ” and telling you how my life has become a non-life. I hope he comes back soon…..”

 

The Expert And An Interview With An Applicant – Videos

I saw this video at the site below. It is pretty funny, and I think you should go by there if you like the video, and hit his like button. I’m sure Jonathan would appreciate that. There are several other funny ones on the same video. After it finishes playing, just click on another! My favorite is interview with an applicant, and I think you’ll like it too.

https://itsnotpie.wordpress.com/2015/01/20/being-the-expert-sucks/

I also want to thank Julz for the link to these videos.  https://julzcards.wordpress.com/your-space-say-what-you-like/

intreview with an applicant

Epic fails extreme funny # 2015

I have to thank a friend of mine for the funny videos I have for you today. Thank you +U are My Frend for supplying me with the following humor.

 
What is an epic fail? That is the fail, everyone sees. When you do something STUPID, and on camera, my least favored friend MURPHY rears his ugly head. The EPIC FAILS on these videos, proves showing off only leads to certain disaster.

The dumbassery in these following videos are delightful, only because we weren’t stupid enough to try these things ourselves. Please do not take notes, as there will be no test. Not doing these things is the test.

Top Fails Compilation (Stupid,Funny n Painful)

Joke – The Daily Post-Challenge

An old man and woman were working on landscape clean-up, in a noisy industrial area. Over time they had learned to communicate with gestures. When the man wanted to know where something was, he would gesture with a shrug, and show the appropriate action.

Shrug, digging action = where’s the shovel? She would respond with the digging action and point at a nearby shed. this was working pretty well and they were able to work far from each other, always able to communicate what they needed to.

At one point the man needed the wheelbarrow, and shrugged to the woman, lifting his arms out in front of him, making forward and backward motions.

The woman, quite far from him caught the question and responded, by pointing to her eye, then she grabbed her left breast, followed by pointing at her butt, and then pointed at her crotch.

The man was very confused by this, as she wasn’t usually so sexually explicit, especially on the job. So he made his gestures again, indicating where’s the wheelbarrow?

The woman once again, pointed at her eye, grabbed her left breast, pointed at her butt, and then at her crotch.

The man shrugged, thinking she probably wanted sex or something, and walked over to the old woman to find out what she meant by the cryptic response to, the location of the wheelbarrow.

The woman was quite exasperated by this time, as the man usually figured out what she had indicated.

So in plain English, he asked ” where is the wheelbarrow? ”
Using the same gestures, and speaking at the same time, she replied. ” I said, I, pointing at her eye, left it, grabbing her left breast, behind, pointing at her butt, the bush, pointing at her crotch!

37 Photos of Ridiculously Happy Animals Guaranteed to Make You Smile

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dl-cade/37-photos-of-ridiculously_b_6809710.html?utm_hp_ref=tw&utm_content=buffer02c15&utm_medium=social&utm_source=plus.google.com&utm_campaign=bufferSmile, it’s the weekend! But just in case you had a rough go of it this week and your glass feels more like it’s half-empty than half-full, here is a collection of 37 adorable photos featuring animals so ridiculously happy they’re guaranteed to send you off into the weekend smiling.

Seriously, if we were in a punny mood we’d call it a smiley back guarantee. So scroll down and just try to keep a grin from spreading across your face as you do… we dare you!

photo-Huffington Post @ link above

Huffington Post @ link above

For more smiley animal goodness, click here and go browsing through the happiest animals on 500px.

This article was originally published on the 500px ISO blog.

Follow DL Cade on Twitter: www.twitter.com/dlcade

Baxter

What?  Another one?  Guess I think I’m funny.  After all of those serious posts, I thought you might like to just sit back and have a laugh or two.  Seriously… 

Baxter
from Ty Coyle PRO 2 days ago
Baxter is my senior thesis film produced at The Savannah College of Art and Design. Baxter the raccoon makes his way into Granny’s Sweet Shop,…

Baxter from Ty Coyle on Vimeo.

Weasel-riding-woodpecker

https://www.icpea.com/weasel-riding-woodpecker-picture-twitter-prompts-weighty-debate-286559?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=gplus
Weasel-riding-woodpecker picture Twitter prompts weighty debate
#Tweet #Apps – Weasel-riding-woodpecker picture prompts weighty Twitter debate – It’s that age-old story: weasel meets bird, weasel falls in love with bird, weasel won’t let bird go – even when it flies off. This extraordinary picture taken by amateur wildlife photographer Martin Le-May has caused some chin-scratching among ornithologists everywhere.

photo-weasel riding woodpecker

weasel riding woodpecker

Is it possible for a woodpecker to carry a weasel on its back? Apparently so. Wildlife presenter Steve Backshall told Radio 1’s Newsbeat: “For the bird to be able to fly is pretty extraordinary, but not unheard of, so I have no reason to doubt it.”

The image of the wide-eyed bird and its stowaway was taken at Hornchurch country park in Essex, where Le-May was hoping to show his wife Ann a green woodpecker.After hearing “distressed squawking”, he spotted the bird with the small mammal on its back, and took a series of photographs as the startled pair flew past.
Weasel-riding-woodpecker picture Twitter prompts weighty debate
When the bird landed near him, he believes the weasel became distracted and the woodpecker seized its opportunity, “gathered its self-respect and flew up into the trees and away from our sight”.