Am I cheating, by liking someone, and flirting on the Internet? If I have found a soul, that readily engages me, and seems to be another person I might want to know more fully, is this cheating? Some of the few regrets I have in my life, are from not following through with possible relationships.
I have nearly met a few women, that were so interesting to me, that when our eyes locked, my heart rate actually rose. We even smiled at each other, and knew there was a connection of some kind. I didn’t pursue many of those possible meetings, mostly out of fear. Fear I might not measure up to another’s expectations, based on a look.
I am not particularly handsome, or buff and only of average height at 6 feet tall. I know all of my physical flaws, and am certain many are only too obvious, upon seeing me. I don’t dress to look stunning, or to impress anyone. I dress to protect my body from all of the dangers of every day living, cuts, scrapes, bruising etc.
The fact is I have spent the better part of 40 years cultivating a scary look, to keep others at a distance, so I might remain unknown and apart from others. This strategy has worked fairly well over the years, allowing me to remain aloof and not having to be in the company of too many others. I have held on to my own self imposed privacy until recently.
I like the Internet, probably for many of the same reasons others do. The anonymity is great, as we don’t have that face to face thing, getting in the way of various interactions. We have the ability to hide what we don’t want others to see, so I am not just plain ugly here. If we are ugly or nasty in other ways, it soon becomes apparent over time, through our posts.
If I like the way you are, or at least seem to be, I will probably leave a comment on your site. I don’t try to be rude, although I do try to be interesting, so you will feel compelled to get to know who I am. I don’t lie, cheat or steal, as those things are the ultimate wrongs, but if I like you, I may flirt.
That doesn’t mean I want to be with you in any sexual, or even physical way. It means you inspire me to be more open and engaging. Is this cheating? I won’t say things to arouse you, as that isn’t cool, but I will be open and honest, and if I have any feelings toward you, I will say so. If that scares you, I am sorry.
The best part of The Internet affair, is we can be as open or shut off as we deem necessary, and we don’t have to have physical contact, allowing for a continued anonymity for everyone. Is this fair to you? Are you threatened or being misled by these statements? Can we be friends in this manner?
I invite a discussion on these questions, and hope you will be willing to answer some of them. Tell me if I have overstepped your boundaries, and I will back off.
In regard to our earlier conversation, I have some personal questions I believe you need to answer. Firstly, just what is allowed, and what is going over the line?
I think the rules are convoluted as we are spending time together. Even though we are not having any kind of physical relationship, I suspect you are worried about what others may think.
I will be totally honest with you, as I am in all of my dealings with others. I have no intention of leading you on. I am not looking for an affair, as I am married, and completely monogamous.
To quell your wondering, I have been married nearly 24 years, and this is my first marriage, as I didn’t decide to take this step until I was in my mid thirties.
I allow my wife to have friends, but that is such a poor way to say that, as allow is not a proper attitude at all. I encourage her to have friends. Male, female, it matters not.
To control someone, so they might not have friends or be able to socialize, is akin to slavery in my book.
If a person is committed to another, there should be no jealousies, or fear of contacts their significant other may have. Trust is a two way street, and if I weren’t able to trust my spouse, how could I expect her to trust me?
Flirtations are just banter, and a way to expose others to a more private side of oneself. They are a way to break the ice, so strangers might feel the person they are talking to is actually human.
Flirting allows people to feel less formal and helps to show a part of oneself, rarely shown. That in turn allows others to feel more comfortable, whereby being more honest about who they really are.
Dear Friend, could we really have any kind of friendship, where we would have to be careful of what we say, or how we word it?
Liking someone is not groping, or ravaging them, it is merely liking them, and no one can fault someone for their likes.
Relationships are just as difficult as a job, and friendships are the same. You work at a friendship, to learn of another, their hopes, desires, their wants and needs, as well as their fears and hatreds.
In my lifetime, I have had enough relationships to understand, couples must have both friends in common, and friends apart. As a married man I know there are things I can’t say to my wife, as that only causes problems.
The same goes for her. To only have the same friends in common, would not allow one to get the gripes off of their chests, as conversations often get repeated and that in turn leads to arguments or fighting.
Dear Friend, we can only be honest and true to those we wish to have in our lives, and my desires of our friendship is to be true to that end.
If in time we are close, and we might find ourselves at a place where we might feel more strongly toward each other, then we should consider what is best for our friendship.
Until then, rest assured I am not out to lead you on, nor to break your heart, and I also know you too feel the same.