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52 Signs Social Media Has Turned You Into A Complete Psychopath
In this day and age, we love posting, tweeting, pinning, YouTubing and Instagramming.
Name the app, you’ve got an account. If it’s online, you’ve seen it. But, have you ever sat down and thought, “Am I doing this too much? Is it taking up a lot of my time?”
In other words, am I a social media psychopath? How far is too far? Check out this list to see if you qualify and check them off as you go along. Read it alongside your friends.
If you’ve done even one of them, you may be a crazy person. It’s time to see just how nuts we really are.
Have you done these things?
1. You constantly check someone’s Facebook. You do it day after day, without any real-life interaction, whatsoever. You don’t like any of the stuff he or she posts, but when you run into him or her, you mention you saw the statuses, posts and videos. You’re pretty much a ghost.
2. You post passive-aggressive statuses or photos. Things like, “Hahaha, you’ll see” and “Whatever,” trying desperately to get the attention of someone without realizing he or she probably hid you from his or her news feed six months ago.
3. You post inspirational or motivational quotes. Even if you’re just trying show your ex you’re not sad anymore and you’re doing fine, you’re clearly trying to get his or her attention. “We go through the valleys and the bumpy roads so that we can climb to the peaks.” WHAT?
4. You unfriend and re-friend like wildfire. But, you quickly cancel the re-friend request so you can be sure he or she knows what you did. You’re sick!
5. You like a status only to take said like away a mere seconds later.Mistake? Accidental like? Insane.
6. You block someone for a day and then unblock. Then, you re-friend and message, “hey what’s up :).”
7. You created an account on Yelp just to post a three-word review about that family-owned taco restaurant without any pertinent or detailed information. “This place sucks.”
8. You poke every single one of your friends. This takes all day. Unbelievable.
9. You create an event for your own birthday party and then cancel the event the night before.
10. You post a status and then remove it 10 minutes later. Why? Because the only person who liked it was your Aunt Sue who’s a court stenographer in Utah.
11. You send someone a message or comment, “That’s a great photo,” yet you hate it.
12. You tweet to your favorite celebrity how much you love him or her.Three minutes later, you tweet how much you hate him or her because your tweet went unacknowledged. Totally normal behavior.
13. You create a separate account to stalk people. You then appear on the show, “Catfish.”
14. You keep your wall protected so you have to approve photos and statuses you’re tagged in.Like, that one where your friends found you, ass-up with your face in the sand.
15. You have two tabs of Facebook open right now. WHY!?
16. You use 20 hashtags for every photo you post on Instagram.#likeme #pleaselikeme #likeforlike
17. You have an Instagram for your dog and post as if you were him or her.“Mmm, I love these Beggin’ strips.”
18. You report statuses and photos of people simply because you don’t like them.Like, for example, when they post about how they’re grateful they made it out if surgery alive.
19. You tweet to celebrities, “I know, right?” when you don’t know at all.They’re rich and you owe $3k on your credit card because you have an issue with Jose Cuervo.
20. You look at every tagged Facebook photo of someone, going backward in time.After that, it’s onto the albums: “Mmmm, beach season.”
21. You post a status or photo about how much you love your boyfriend or girlfriend when you just started dating a few days ago.“Omg, I love this man.” Then, you break up two days later and post, “Omg, never falling in love again. #devastated.”
22. You post on your significant other’s wall how much you love him or her when you’re sitting in the same room. You want the world to see how much you two love each other!
23. Every photo you’ve ever posted has been a selfie. Even worse, they’re all duck lips. Woof!
24. You’ve used the hashtag, “YOLO.”
25. You look at your ex’s new significant other’s Facebook and say out loud, “What a fugly goblin.”
26. You have pulled up Facebook on your TV.
27. You take your phone in the bathroom and keep scrolling even though you’re done. In fact, you’ve been done for 15 minutes. CRAZY.
28. You tried to lead an exodus over to Google+ and lost a bunch of friends in the process.Even worse, then you tried Path.
29. Your profile picture is of your significant other. As in, you’re not even in the photo.
30. Your profile picture is of anyone other than you.
31. You suggest people you may know to people. Who are these people!? I don’t know any of them!!!
32. You start a group message with a couple without realizing they broke up a week ago.“Hey, you guys want to go dancing tonight?”
33. You start a group message with 30 people. “Hey, you guys want to go dancing tonight?”
34. You personally message people to invite them every time you have an event or you’ve posted a video or you’ve taken a sh*t.“Hey, I know we haven’t talked in four years, but please like this page. Thanks, bye.”
35. Your profile picture is of a part of your body other than your face.
36. You write, “dislike” on someone’s statuses or photos. Or even worse, you just write, “no.”
37. You’ve posted the Facebook privacy guidelines and won’t agree to them.As if someone was going through and crossing you off the list. WHY DID WE ALL DO THIS!?!
38. You’ve tagged 30 friends in a scareware status. It threatened them to tag 30 other people, and if they didn’t, they’d die a mysterious death next week.
39. You’ve edited a status by commenting on it after you’ve posted.You didn’t edit the actual status, which is completely possible.
40. You’ve liked your own statuses or photos. At some point in the process you also said out loud, “I’ll show them.”
41. You hooked up your Facebook to your Twitter and Instagram, as well as your Vine to your Twitter, so you never miss a beat.
42. You bought followers or likes and didn’t tell anyone about it.This skeleton stays in your closet for life.
43. You’ve posted, “I love my fans” or “Haters gonna hate.” You have 90 friends on Facebook.
44. You’ve said you’re in a relationship, even though you’re not.When someone says, “Who?” you just comment with a smiley face.
45. You post a photo of yourself flexing. Someone else must have had to take this photo. You live at home.
46. You posted a Photoshopped photo of you standing next to Marc Cuban on the cover of Forbes magazine.The caption was, “Living the life.”
47. You go to the mall and post photos of expensive sh*t you can’t possibly afford.Then you write, “I bet you wish you were me.”
48. You remove someone as a friend because he or she makes you jealous.
49. You’ve checked your notifications during a movie. You’re the person they’re talking to in the theater when they say, “Please, silence your phones and be courteous to the people around you.” GET OUT!
50. You fall asleep watching Vines. With your phone on your face, mind you.
51. You have walked into a lamppost, another person, or traffic while updating your status.
52. You read this list, confessed to all of them, and then said, “This author’s an assh*le — I’m not like that at all.”
Hey y’all, I took an Express ride through the better parts of Cyberville yesterday. The ride was great! I saw the shabbier places of the web along the way, but my driver assured me, we would only be passing by the ghetto area. My place is just outside the lowest place on the web tour.
When we made it through the vast area that made tent cities look pretty, we hit ” Downtown” Cyberville. That was a sight, tall sleekly designed places, some so tall I couldn’t even see their tops, above the cloud. I could only gain admittance to a couple of these fancy places, and I kind of had to push my way in.
It seems there is a dress code, and prior to entry I had to find a cover that didn’t look too shabby. There were a few places I wasn’t invited into, but I did manage to sneak into a place that was truly clean and nice.
I was a little worried running around someone’s place without them there. I felt like a rodent, scurrying about, hoping I didn’t leave any tell-tale clues I had been there. I’m not kidding, this place was so nice, I was almost afraid to click any buttons lest I managed to leave a smudge or drop a chunk of lint somewhere!
It turned out the owner of that place is a photographer. His place was probably being monitored, with cameras and whatever other types of surveillance gizmos high-class folks use. I don’t use anything like that. If my dog doesn’t like you, he’ll let everyone know it, but I don’t keep watch, and never lock anything up.
The walls were lined with this artists work, and there were hundreds of faces, staring back at me. They didn’t say anything, but I could tell they didn’t want me there. They seemed to disapprove of me being there, without a proper invitation. I tried to ignore them, but their faces were too compelling to even shut out of my sight.
I quietly crept around gawking at all of the great photos and wished I had that kind of talent. I was mildly surprised no one came in to see who I was, or what I wanted. That only made me feel more like a thief, not being invited in, and looking like a lower life form. I really was surprised! Like I said, this place was better than a museum.
I scribbled down the address on a piece of scrap paper, i found in one of my pockets, just in case I wanted to go back. I haven’t heard from any legal types, so I must have managed to stay below the radar. I guess I am a creep, as that was what I did there. Creep around, don’t disturb anything, and wipe off all of the surfaces I might have touched.
Anyway, I figured some of you good, clean, talented and adventurous people may want to see this place. Here is the address I wrote down at the bottom of this post, and you can see it for yourselves. If he says anything about my having been there, just act like you don’t know me, or never heard of me. That might work, unless he can see the lie on your face.
Just a word of caution though. I think he’s a card player, and can read you like a book. Just act calm and normal, and don’t let him see you are hiding anything, because he can read everyone’s expressions. I gotta go, so y’all have a nice time touring the place I told ya about.